Dear John: A Camino Love Letter

By Sue Duffy

The idea of walking the Camino de Santiago came to me three days after watching the love of my life slip out of this world due to complications from ALS. I had not had a rational thought in weeks due to the exhaustion of care giving, combined with the searing pain of grief. That sudden burst of inspiration cut through the dark sky of my mind with the clarity of a brilliant sunrise, and I knew it was something I had to do.

John and I had met only a little more than two years prior to that moment. It was love at first sight, and we lived every second of it with a passion and devotion few people ever experience in a lifetime. 

We joked we were living in dog years because our connection was so extraordinary, with a myriad of serendipities and similarities that made us feel that we had known each other forever.

“It was love at first sight, and we lived every second of it with a passion and devotion few people ever experience in a lifetime. ”

Less than two months after we met, John asked me to move in with him. I was only supposed to be back in Georgia from Louisiana for two weeks, and the morning I was scheduled to leave, we made the decision that changed the trajectories of our lives.

His trademark enthusiasm was in high gear that day, and of all the plans we were making, he couldn’t wait to share his favorite movie with me. That was the first time I was introduced to the movie with Martin Sheen and Emilio Estevez called “The Way” that would change my life in ways I could have never imagined.

To set the mood, he opened a bottle of his favorite Spanish wine from Rioja, and we settled in to watch. I was immediately hooked. We talked endlessly about how terrific it would be to walk the Camino together, and connect with the people, the spirituality, the culture and, of course, the food and wine.

John had an amazing appreciation for the finer things in life, and loved to share those things with others. While we watched the movie, he would amend the walk with “you know, we could drive some of it, and we really could stay in nice places instead of the auberges. It is not like we have to follow any rules.” I laughed but knew he was not joking. We watched it together six more times, with the last being three weeks before he died.

When that inspiration to walk the Camino hit after he was gone, my kids pointed out that I was in no shape to undertake a challenge like that at the time. Though I was determined, reason did step in. My son was going to be graduating the following May and said he would join me if I would wait. I loved the idea of getting to spend so much time with him and recover a bit of strength. 

“For me, the Camino represented a path to healing, and a way to honor a love and life so very well lived. ”

It took me until February to finally get the nerve to book the flights. I did enough research online to realize I was very ill-prepared and decided to hire a company called Marly Camino to help me with the itinerary.

Finding out that there was an option to stay in private rooms in hostels, and have my baggage transferred for me made me feel far more confident that I could complete this journey. I could carry a daypack instead of the heavy backpack that I was sure to overfill. 

There are pilgrims of all stripes, and many consider themselves purists who would never do the Camino my way. I think that it is a personal journey and it should be done the way the is best for each individual. My son decided he preferred to stay in the hostels and carry his backpack, which gave us the time together while still experiencing our own Camino.

My “Camino daughter” (much more on the families formed on the Camino in another post) said to someone that they had no idea what sort of emotional baggage anyone else is carrying, and it could be a whole lot heavier than a backpack, so they should mind their own business. This is one of the many reasons I grew to love her.

For me, the Camino represented a path to healing, and a way to honor a love and life so very well lived. Punishing myself by sleeping, or more accurately not sleeping in a room full of strangers held zero appeal to me. I relished the spartan, clean and private rooms in which I stayed. Those rooms allowed me reflection time as well as the ability to recharge. The type of fellowship formed in the albergues was not something that I needed.

Being an inherently curious and outgoing person, relating to other pilgrims was never a problem. I loved the fact that instant connections were made by having conversations that did not start with “what do you do,” and we rarely ever asked for names until further into conversation. These talks were more about getting to each other’s essence, and were one of my favorite aspects of the experience. Another fellow pilgrim and friend termed those daily discussions a form of group therapy.

My pilgrimage was made in John’s memory and to celebrate life. When there was an opportunity to share a meal that was a bit finer than the pilgrim’s menu, to drink an excellent Rioja, to linger at an inspirational site longer than normal, or to veer off course to tour a vineyard or two, I took it. It would have been disengenous for me to do it any other way. These little luxuries made me feel closer to him and the life we shared together. All of the many “God winks” that I received while walking this sacred path convinced me that my way of walking the Camino was exactly right for me.

Editor’s note: These days, you’ll find Sue working hard on her latest adventure called Suvi Travels & Imports. She’s decided to spend her time helping people all over the world have richer, more amazing travel adventures. Buen Camino, Sue!

Follow Sue’s Camino walk below…